We live in a society of victimization.

Of complaining, negative self-talk and self-doubt.

Our society has made us believe that we aren’t competent enough to make our own decisions.

So we dress, eat, speak the same…

Follow strict societal rules.

As a species we are biologically wired to conform and want to “fit in”.

This is because of an evolutionary survival instinct called - heard mentality.

In the past, being separate from the group was quite literally a death sentence. You could not survive on your own.

This survival instinct was very useful when the group kept us alive and well.

But these days conforming to societal norms is the fastest way to disease, misery and an emptiness.

Look at our society:

• 60% of adults have at least one chronic disease, while 40% have two or more chronic conditions

• 26% of American adults get diagnosed with a mental disorder every year.

• 41.9% of U.S. adults are classified as obese.

• 35%-40% of marriages end in divorce

• 77% of American households have some form of debt.

So how do you learn to trust yourself?

This is much easier said than done.

But it starts with accountability. When you stop making excuses you’ll realization that the only person standing in the way of your goals is you.

It’s so easy to blame external forces like:

• lack of time,

• energy,

• money,

• traumatic experiences.

Just last week I overhead someone say they can’t go for walks outside because it’s “too awkward without a dog”.

how stupid is that…

THE ONLY PERSON IN THE WAY OF YOUR DREAMS IS YOU.

I want you to think back to when you were a kid.

Back when you laughed with your heart.

There was no shame or judgement.

You were 100% yourself.

You didn’t hold the opinions of others over your own.

So why are you constantly:

• seeking external validation

• not trusting your own judgement

• following trends to fit in

• doing things to please others

So many of us have lost our confidence.

Forgotten who we are.

That there’s a light within us…

You’ll never achieve your goals - if at your core you don’t believe in yourself.

We got to change that. Here’s how we’re going to do it.

(1) Set Goals

Seriously ask yourself “what do I want out of life”.

Grab a notebook and write it down.

Go all out on this.

Big goals.

TED Talk? Instagram Influencer? Boston Marathon? New York Times Best Selling Author?

If you could do anything in the world and you had unlimited time, money and energy.

What would you do?

Seriously think about it. Imagine your dream life.

Maybe you’re sitting on the front porch of a beautiful oceanfront home. The warm breeze carries a faint smell of sunscreen and saltwater. Your kids are collecting sea shells by the shoreline. You watch and listen as the waves roll and crash onto shore.

You’re at peace knowing you don’t have to work another day in your life.

The world is your oyster and your are completely free.

Sounds incredible, doesn’t it?

Now, snap back to today. Take an honest look at the path you’re on right now.

Fast forward 10 years. If nothing changes. If you keep living exactly the way you are today. What does life look like?

Instead of the beach you’re sitting in a crammed apartment. There’s a stack of unopened bills on your coffee table. You never married or had any children. You pride yourself on being a good employee. You always pick up overtime and volunteer to work the holidays.

You’ve alienated yourself from friends and family.

Your body can’t handle the stress but instead of listening to it - you’ve turned to pharmaceuticals to numb the pain. As you grow older, you realize that the company you’re working for doesn’t really care. You find yourself in the hospital but nobody calls.

They’ve already replaced you.

Suddenly you’ve become that person who’s mad about everything. Because deep down you know you’ve been played. You’ve wasted your best years and all that’s left are the “what if’s”….

What a motivator.

If you want different results you need to start doing different things. Look at your schedule and make the necessary changes.

(2) Accept That You’ve Made Mistakes and Will Keep Making Mistakes.

That doesn’t make you a bad person - it makes you human. Stop holding these things against yourself. If you’ve made it this far, I can confidently assume that you’ve forgiven someone at some point in your life.

Extend that grace to yourself and then move on.

The past is no more and all we have is the present. Those mistakes you keep replaying in your mind are keeping you from moving forward.

A good friend of mine once told me “that we all live in different periods of time”.

We stay stuck in the years that caused us pain.

Some people are still living in high school years or the year a loved one died.

It’s like we’re frozen in that time period. Replaying and reliving the emotions over and over again, until we finally let it go.

and come back to the present.

(3) Evaluate Your Life.

Look at your inner circle, your daily habits, the so-called barriers preventing you from achieving your goals.

Are you spending lunch breaks on your phone. Are your friends in alignment with your goals? - remember you are the sum of the 5 people you spend the most time with.

If you were to die today, would you be happy with your life?

You are only young once don’t waste this opportunity.

That once in a lifetime opportunity you’re waiting for. THIS IS IT.

(4) Dress to Impress

If you look good you feel good.

I’m not saying you have to put on a full face of makeup everyday. But you need to value your hygiene and your beauty.

Stop wearing the oversized shirts and embrace yourself.

If there was an amazing opportunity at your fingertips would you be able to confidently take it and show up as the best version of yourself?

For example, Justin Bieber is shopping at your grocery store and asks to do a video with you. Would you be prepared? Yes I know… this would never happen.

But if it did, would you be prepared? Ask yourself how can I best show up for myself, how can I prepare to take any opportunity that comes my way?

There are so many opportunities out there but many of us don’t even recognize them because we aren’t prepared to take them.

Just like a celebrity you have an image to uphold.

(5) Do Things That Scare You

What have you accomplished this year in 2024? Any big wins? Be honest with yourself, have you done more or less of the things you wanted to accomplish? All too often we make excuses for ourselves and live in the safe zone. We justify not following our dreams because we’re too tired and don’t have time. We burn ourselves out and pick up overtime instead of prioritizing dreams and desires.

You have one life.

Make sure you enjoy it.

Plan mini adventures and put them in your calendar ahead of time. A year goes by quick, and if you don’t make time for the fun you’ll end up working and never taking time for yourself.

When you have an opportunity to do something to it, because time is not guaranteed.

For example, my husband and I just did the Kalalau Trail in Hawaii. It took us 10 hours to hike each way. It was very challenging and I could barely walk when we finished.

Pushing yourself through challenging situations grounds you back to reality. Makes you realize how amazing it is to be living during this period of time.

Remember you live better than most king and queens.

(6) Smile More.

You’re smile is infectious!

You create your reality. You can create a complete false reality in your mind. Something as simple as not smiling and saying hello to someone when you pass them in the street, your workplace, a party might make you believe not one likes you but in reality you’re just not approachable.

Remember you create your reality and you only see what you focus on.

How many times have you worked with someone cranky and then became cranky?

Emotions rub off on us.

(7) Tap Into Your Creativity

For the most part, our society is all about consumerism. Following the latest trends and looking to external factors for validation and happiness.

But what if instead of buying more things and constantly absorbing external noise, you shifted your focus onto creating and making society better.

Start asking yourself questions like what is my higher purpose, how can I make the world a better place?

When you shift your attention from consuming onto creating you start seeing things from a different perspective.

You stop comparing and relying on other for happiness and instead focus on filling your own cup and finding your own purpose.

You realize that life is just a game and that all those people you look up to are the same as you.

No one is more special than another and we all have the potential for greatness.

(8) Be The Host of the Party.

I heard this once and it CHANGED the way I communicate with people. If you were the host of a party you would walk around the room and say hello to everyone wouldn’t you? You would include all your guests into a conversation and actively listen to everyone because you love and respect all your guests, right?.

So why not use this approach in everyday life.

Something as simple as learning the name of your coffee barista helps creates a sense of community.

(9) Nothing Matters.

Seriously you need to start thinking of life as a game. If life is a video game how can you win ?

If you want to do something… do it.

Cut your hair - it’ll grow back.

Play music really loud in your car - no one is listening.

Switch careers.

Travel the world.

The greatest of all times have died and so will you.

(10) Stop the Negative Self Talk.

When I really stopped to look at it. The person that made me feel most insecure about myself was ME.

Self love ins’t about loving yourself when you feel good and you look perfect but when you’re at your worse.

You imperfections don’t make you less of a human. Would you tell a 5 year old they can’t go swimming or play with their friends because they have a zit?

Of course not.

(11) Take Action

Most people are mediocre at best. So stop listening to them, don’t even listen to me.

Instead listen to yourself and learn to trust your own judgment.

Our society has literally brain washed us into not trusting ourselves anymore.